Melissa Jill

32 candles on that brownie birthday cake I made the future hubby. Thirty two! I still have six years until then, but I imagine lots of “when I was your age” conversations, cafeterias and unnecessary flatulence.

Nay, I didn’t fly off the deep end and get another dog. Do you think I’d still have a home if I surprised Rocket Man with another pup? I think not. I took care of a friend’s dog earlier this week. While he was an adorable little guy, taking care of four dogs turned me crazy. I was like the Dog Whisperer but with more tears and less obedience.

Hey! Guess what? I’m getting married in seven days! Holy crap, I’m getting married in seven days. Except for the occasional breakdown, we’re all set. I was talking to my mom on the phone a few days ago and she asked me if I was getting stressed. My response was “NO, ALRIGHT! WILL EVERYONE PLEASE STOP ASKING ME IF I’M GETTING STRESSED? BLAAAAAAAAH!!!!!”  And then my head spun around four times and fell on the floor.

The only issue I’ve had this week is my wedding dress. I underestimated the cost of a bustle for my train by about $400. Call me cheap, but I’m not spending half the cost of my dress on a few ties. Instead, my mom is a seamstress and she’ll be helping me figure it out when she gets to town. If I was smart, I would have majored in scamming brides and their naive grooms at college. I’d make millions.

What do you think? I had my trial hair and make-up run yesterday. I’m pleased with the makeup, although it’s much darker than I usually wear, and I like the hair. I think that I’ll have my stylist make my hair line softer by whisping the front across my forehead. The wedding is TWO WEEKS from today. Ho-ly moly.

Brandon is having his bachelor party this weekend. Instead of going out one night, he’s decided that he’s making it a bachelor weekend. No worries, I’m cool with that. However! He also, very politely, asked me to vacate our home for the weekend. No worries, I’m okay with that. However! He asked me last night to make some appetizers for his bar-b-que this evening. No worries, I can deal with that. However! This morning, while heading out the door, he indicated that it’d be nice if I would clean the house, do the laundry and make everything look nice before his buddies arrive.

No worries, I  can take off my shoes, jump into the kitchen and slit my wrists.

Ah, love.

Wow, just wow.

Both Brandon and I had no idea what to expect yesterday when a camera crew came to film us for the Sun Devil Story. Heck, I still don’t think we know what happened. It was a complete whirlwind of craziness.

The crew showed up at ten to set things up. They moved stuff around, picked out our clothes and even took care of our shiny heads with some makeup.

We talked to them for close to two hours about how we met, how we became ASU fans, why we love each other, blah, blah, blah. I know everyone says that you’re always your own worst critic, but the two of us can’t stop thinking about everything we did wrong.

Such as …

The shirt they put me in made my boobies gigantasosaurus.

We were both so nervous that we sweat holes in each other’s legs with our hands.

At one point, I was asked about my shoes for the wedding and instead told the crew that Rocket Man wanted me to wear ASU panties. Which, by the way, was not true at all. I just made that up.

I also falsely told them that I only fell in love with Rocket Man because he was wearing a hat when we met him.

Every time we started a sentence, we’d forget what we were talking about and end up staring blankly at the camera and saying “uh, what now?” The crew would look at each other, whisper, sigh and tell us to start over.

I’m sure everything will turn out okay in the end.  When they left, we both looked at each other and said,”HOLY CRAP. What did we just get ourselves into?” And honestly, I don’t think we’ll know until we see it at the football game on the 25th.

Don’t you worry. They’ll be sending us the video so you can see for yourself how much a grown woman is able embarrass herself, her fiance, her family and friends in just two short minutes.

This is, by far, one of the worst photos I’ve ever taken.

HOWEVER … look at those scary eyes! If I walked by my home, I’d pee my pants.

Oops! There I go!

Very sad that she’s not on a walk, or being fed, or going on a walk, a walk, a walk, a can we puhleeeese go on a walk?

A few people have asked why I have three dogs. Honestly, I’m not sure. It may be because I’m crazy. Or MAYBE it’s because I have a gigantic heart? Nah, it’s because I’m nuts.

Growing up, we lived three blocks and one park away from elementary school. My sister, four years older than myself, was forced by my mom to make sure I got there in one piece. What that really meant was as soon as we were out of sight, she ran off to walk with her much cooler and much older friends.

One morning as I was walking by myself, I noticed a grey lump on the side of the road. Upon further investigation with a stick, I determined that the lump was a dead pigeon.  So I did what any smart six-year-old would do. I picked her up and put her in my backpack. Because, duh, I’m six and have absolutely no concept of death. To me, it was a momma bird sleeping because she was tired and tire marks because she had gotten a massage.

By the time I made it to the crossing guard, I was so proud of my find that I displayed the carcass to the ancient lady. I can’t exactly remember what she said, probably something like “HOLY HELL”  or maybe something old-people-ish like “My land! It’s a good thing you didn’t put that on my davenport!”

Anyway. Long story short, she told my sister, my sister told my parents and by the time I got home from school, the whole neighborhood knew me as That Weird Girl Who Picks Up Dead Birds.

Fast forward twenty years and I’m still picking up things from the side of the road. I found our boxer and keeshond/mutt at the pound, both on clearance and ready to meet their maker. And, well, I guess I’m just a sucker for cute things.

Brandon’s just glad that I’m no longer a sucker for dead things.

I’ve decided to get my teeth whitened for the wedding. There’s nothing I can do about the gum to teeth ratio in my mouth, but at least I can take off a few years of coffee stains. Has anyone else tried this?

I bought Rocket Man a pair of custom Converse shoes for his birthday that say “Go Devils” on the side. As of yesterday, I hadn’t been charged for the shoes so I gave them a ring. I was told that Converse doesn’t support the phrase that I chose. I nicely explained to them that these shoes were not supporting satin, rather a college football team. They didn’t seem to care.

My mind has been wandering all over the place while trying to fall asleep. Last night I remembered a repressed memory of Halloween in 2nd grade. I was going trick-or-treating as Abraham Lincoln but I left my costume on the floor and my mom took it away. Still wanting to go, I put on my nightgown and cut out a red circle from construction paper and taped it to my nose. My mom actually let me walk the neighborhood … no pants, galoshes and a two dimensional Rudolph looking nose.  I’m still trying to figure out the lesson I learned.

We have a wedding song! I apologize for taking so long in getting back to you, but it’s honestly taken this long to figure it out. Thanks so much for the suggestions and the winner is Feels Like Home. Can you imagine how hard it’s going to be for us to pick baby names? (SOMEDAY, mom. Someday.)

Don’t adjust your screen. Yes, I do look like an out of focus and sad little ghost in my veil. I made the photo black and white so you can’t see the tired bags under my eyes.  Boo! 

I’ve been having a really hard time sleeping this week.  I hope to be out by 1 a.m. tonight, but that’s only a hope. A few days ago I watched the sun rise over my balcony. Sunrises are great, sure, but not thoroughly appreciated without adequate sleep.

So much has been going through my mind when I lay down and try to snooze. What if I’m too fat or ugly to be a bride? What if everyone hates our wedding? My family! My family-in-laws! What if my lady business appears on our honeymoon? What if we can’t pay all the bills by the big day? What if I, for some crazy reason, aren’t able to go to Mexico because I’m suspected of an international crime? Also, let us not forget that all these fears will transform into a short movie for SEVENTY-THREE THOUSAND of my closet friends to watch.

That’s cute, you think I’m joking.

Last night as I was trying to fall asleep, I rolled over and hit my sleeping fiance on the back.

“Hey!”

“Mmmm, nom, nom, yeah?” (That’s supposed to be sleeping noises.)

“I can’t sleep. How do you know that I’m your soul mate?”

Without taking a breath to question my insanity or even waking up he murmured, “Because I couldn’t begin to imagine my life without you.”

And I was out like a light.

(Of course if I ask him the same question again, I’m certain to get a response more like “because you make me cookies.” I’m not going to risk my luck.)

I’m going to be on that TV with my wedding dress on. I sure hope white is slimming!

I really hate to bore you with another football post, but this is very important. This is different from my usual “Hi! I’m tailgating and probably drunk!” posts. Rest assured that I am sober and am also having the best day ever.

My friend Sarah (San Diego friend that I got a tattoo with, intern roommates and crazy spring break Mexico friend) got Rocket Man and I the best wedding present imaginable.

Wait for it.

We are going to be featured as a “Sun Devil Story.” I’ll explain.

In each Arizona State home game, they have a two minute “movie” that showcases the story of a big fan. WE are going to be those fans. She applied for us, sent them our information and we were picked.

Rocket Man is a HUGE ASU fan. He went there, he made great friends there and has been following the football team for as long as he can remember.

So anyway, we’re going to be their story for the sold out, 73,000 capacity, November 15th homecoming game! They’re sending a film crew to our house, to our tailgates and get this, even to our wedding and reception! They’re even going to give us all of the raw footage of the wedding … for free!

They picked us because we scheduled our wedding around the football season. That’s why our wedding is on a Friday and also why we’re not leaving for our honeymoon until Sunday. Silly, sure, but Rocket Man loves it and I love that about him. The theme of the video is going to be that cute couch scene with the old folks from ‘When Harry Met Sally.’ Anyone?

Of course, if I had REALLY thought about it, I wouldn’t have scheduled a wedding during football season at all. I’m sure there will be an anniversary sometime soon that will include sitting in a dirt parking lot with a beer in my hand from the keg of a VW bus.

Boy, the things you do for love!