Robert Brady Museum, 2010

On the way to “stand on a corner of Winslow, Arizona” Middle of nowhere, Arizona.

In the past year.

Wait, that’s not a complete sentence.

In the past year a lot has happened.

Wait, that’s a complete sentence but not very articulate.

In the past year, I have neglected my blog so think it’s best to start from the beginning.

I got a new job. – I’m a waitress at The Village Inn. I like it. A lot.

I went to Mexico – Who knew In-Laws could be so fun.

I see a psychologist on a regular basis – I’m a hot mess.

I’m not opposed to the new health care bill – Do it! Judge me!

I’m learning that marriage is harder than it looks – You mean we have to see each other EVERY day?

Our pug is dying – I’ve never had to deal with the death of an animal. (Except fish and hamsters. Do they count?)

Jehovah Witness ladies knock on our door at least three times per week.  – I don’t answer but they’re quite persistant.

I’ve become addicted to The Real Housewives of New York. – No, you shut up!

In the past year.

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Cuarnavaca, Mexico

It’s amazing what happens when you walk away from your blog for a year. 47,385 comments? Yikes! I’m still trying to understand the new Wordpress that my awesome brother-in-law updated for me and as soon as I start to remember how to do how I did, I’ll be back, baby! (Wow, talk about a run-on sentence).

I weigh 196 pounds.

Woah, wow, what?

Did I really just admit my real weight to everyone? I don’t even admit my real weight to myself!

It’s true. I must be drunk. That or the stress of my husband staying home from work “sick” has pushed me over the edge. Maybe both.

When I moved to Arizona in 2004, I weighed 135 pounds. I was skinny and I was hot. (No, I was haaawt!) Sadly, I thought I was the fattest, ugliest girl in all the world.  It’s funny how girls do that to themselves. Everyone told me I was pretty, everyone said “Amy, size six is not fat!” but I didn’t believe them. All I saw was what I saw in the mirror and that was “fat.”

Fast forward five years, a few traumatic experiences that psychologists are still trying to figure out and I weigh in at a chunky, two anorexic tween girls weight of ONE HUNDRED AND NINETY SIX pounds. The strange thing is, though, that I’ve never been happier. I know for a fact that I’m not skinny and I’ve got the size 14, ok 16, pants to prove it.

When I first started gaining weight it was really hard. I refused to take pictures, wore baggy t-shirts, sported extra big jeans and didn’t wear makeup. My theory was that I’d rather people say “oh, she’s probably not that big, it’s just the clothes” than “wow, why does that fat girl think she can get away with a shirt like that?” Totally normal, right? Wrong.

I’m now happy to say that when I do look in a mirror, I can see positive things about myself.  Just writing that sentence has taken over 26 years of self inflicting doubt. Regardless, I want to be healthy and don’t think that I am. I know that my miscarriage wasn’t because of my weight, but it couldn’t have helped. I know that I’ll never be at my high school weight of one-hundred-and-eat-anything-you-want-and-it-won’t-matter, but I do want to be able to say that I can wear pants with only one digit again. Plus see my feet. Crazy, I know.

That being said, I joined Weight Watchers! My sister Katie started 8 weeks ago and she’s doing great. My friends Crystal and Sarah (the blurry one on the left) have also taken the plunge and I like the accountability factor of having people checking up on me. (Uh, hence this post.) I’ve been going back and forth about joining for a while, but why not? What do I have to lose except a few pounds and every ounce of my dignity? Because I did just admit my true weight. On the internet.

I must be drunk.

These flowers right here are my favorite of all time. They’re plucked off an Arizona tree strangely called Texas Mountain Laurel and the flowers only bloom in spring. I love the flowers so much that I bought a tree last year and planted it in our front yard. It’s not the way they look, it’s the way they smell. If I could somehow put the scent in a jar and sell it, I’d make millions. These two little guys made the entire house smell like spring for close to a week. And then they died.

I got a job!

And then I got fired.

Yeah, yeah. Who doesn’t get a great job working from home, double the salary of their previous job while doing what they love and get canned after 14 days? The story of your life, right?

I’ll start from the beginning.

I came upon a freelance gig on Craigslist looking for a designer to prototype a new magazine in Arizona. I interviewed, it went great, and they called less that two hours later offering not only a job, but a salaried position with great pay. I jumped at the chance.

Two weeks go by, I’m working my little heart out on making this thing amazing, and they called and said “hey, let’s meet to go over some things.” So I packed up, met them at a coffee shop and the conversation went like this.

“Hey guys! How’s it going? Did you have a nice weekend?”

“Yeah, hey, we forgot to have you sign this little piece of paper.”

“Oh, no worries. What does it entail?”

“Not much, just that as our salaried employee, the work you do is ours.”

“Cool! I love being a salaried employee that gets paid for the work she does! Where do I sign?”

So I signed.

And then they said, “Thanks, hey, it’s not working out. You’re fired.”

They said that I wasn’t putting in enough hours. Strangely, though, all of my work was 95% close to completion, a week ahead of schedule and they had files of everything. So basically they got their magazine designed for a price of two weeks salary instead of a commissioned fee. And when they got what they wanted, they dropped me.

I was had.

This all happened on Monday. I’m cool with being “fired”, especially knowing that these guys were grade-A scum bags, but I’m not cool with getting so excited about everything. When I landed the job, I told friends, family, their family, neighbors, my dogs, your dogs and possibly your mom. It doesn’t feel so awesome that two weeks later I get to say, “Oh yeah, that job? Uh, it was a huge scam and I was a sucker that signed paperwork without reading it thoroughly.”

If I had to find a moral to this story it would be either be “people are meanies” or “don’t be so trusting, you crazy Midwestern girl.”

I think this one likes it just as much as the other. 

Baby it’s cold outside. Ok, not that cold but cold enough to have a fire in the evenings.

Heh, uh, about that “Tonight!” reference I made last time. What I really meant to say is “one week from today in the the morning.” I’m sorry if my words confused you, it happens to the best of us.

All you Facebook folks have probably seen that stupid “25 things about me” survey floating around. I think I was tagged close to a dozen times before I gave in.  I really think it just gives everyone an excuse to talk about themselves. And with that being said, here are twenty-five things about me that I need you to know right this second. I’m not going to tag anyone, but I’d love to know something about you too!

1. I married the perfect person for me and feel blessed to be able to say that      2. I have no idea what I want to be when I grow up      3. I have a sincere love for cottage cheese mixed with apple sauce      4. I have too many dogs      5. I’m my own worst critic. I beat myself up over everything.      6. I love Yanni and don’t care who knows it      7. I don’t feel like I can be myself around many people      8. I watch way too much TV      9. I haven’t shaved my legs in two weeks      10. I like Arizona State football, but I love the tailgating      11. I have more “boyfriends” than girlfriends      12. I’m addicted to q-tips       13. I want to move back to the Midwest      14. It’s been one month and two days since we lost our baby. It hurts now more than ever.      15. I love my in laws      16. I haven’t sent out thank you cards for our wedding and I feel like the worst bride of all time      17. I have tinnitus and it drives me bonkers      18. My style could probably be compared to a homeless person      19. I’ve gained 30 pounds in the last four years and I’m not okay with that      20. I play backgammon like it’s nobody’s busniess. I was even in a backgammon club a few years ago      21. I’m a really good cook      22. I talk to my best friend Crystal every day      23. I just paid off a 2005 speeding ticket. That means I’ve been driving with a suspended license for four years. Oops.      24. I’m a financial idiot. I now know that putting an entire year of rent on your credit card in college probably isn’t a good idea.      25. I think your mom is hot.

I guess I’m not the only one that hates bathing on a monthly basis.

I promise that a real post with real words and real thoughts and no talk about bowels is going to happen very soon. Tonight!