I hurt.

A beautiful fire that is completely legal in the Midwest where I visited last week. I wish Arizona dropped below 40.  Ever.

 

We lost our baby.

 

I don’t know how to make things sound better, believe me, I’ve tried. I could tell you that everything happens for a reason.  I could mention that a miscarriage is God’s way of working things out. I could even say that we’ll be so much more thankful for our next little one because we’ve gone through so much with this one.

 

I could say all of that, but I won’t.

 

The truth is that I wanted THIS baby. I wanted to hold and love this baby. I wanted to watch this baby grow up and I wanted to watch this baby walk down the aisle.

 

But  I don’t get this baby. I don’t get to hold or love or snuggle my little one. I don’t even get to know if it was a boy or a girl.

 

All I know, today and at this moment, is that I hurt more than I ever knew was possible.

 

I miss someone I never knew. And that really sucks.